Monday, April 8, 2013

College admission

I chose to attend the college I attended because the editor of the school paper was hot and smart. (He reminded me of Ezra Pound.) There are probably worse reasons to attend a particular school. Because of him, I did wind up getting involved with the paper and perhaps not too surprisingly, my senior year, after he had graduated, I did not work on the paper. Had I finally decided to concentrate on my studies? Yes, that is likely. But without Jens to gaze upon, perhaps my desire to work on the paper waned a bit.

I once borrowed Steve's car so that I could drive Jens to Albany so that he could interview Governor Pataki at a press briefing. I took photos of Pataki. That was ostensibly my role, but in reality my role was not so subtle stalker. He slept the whole way there and the whole way back, presumably to avoid talking to me. My desire for him was so intense and my ability to woo someone I admired and feared was nil. Consequently, whenever I was presented with the opportunity to have a conversation with him, I blew it. In my mind, Jens only enjoyed discussing the politics of the Russian revolution or something and so any effort on my part to be interesting was going to fall vastly short. Of course I did not believe in what I had to offer and was certain that the only way to his heart was the Russian revolution or whatever. Being myself, whatever that meant, was surely not the way.

And so, nothing ever transpired between Jens and me. Because many people who go to college in upstate New York wind up in New York City, it seemed fair to assume that I would see him walking down the street one day. After a while I stopped seeing him in crowds on 7th Avenue and would just think of him a few times a year, no longer angry at him for not acknowledging me beyond stern reminders to get my stories in on time.

It's still a ridiculous reason to have chosen a college, but it also fit all my other criteria: no Greek system, far from home, good English program, not too large. Thank you, Jens, for unwittingly luring me to my college.