Thursday, December 27, 2007

#39 Bernie

You were born on the hard streets of Chicago, got a big break selling truck parts. Now you hire yachts on your leisure time. You frighten me a little. Napoleon complex, maybe?

Saturday, December 22, 2007

#38 Ben

You were once a hard-nosed editor, I am told. But I find it hard to believe. You walk slowly, don't ever seem stressed, and are smiling always. You are stranded in semi-retirement.

Sinking into a hole of homeownership woes

The shady handy-man who has no license is in our basement. The plan was for him to install a thing to keep sewage from backing up into our basement. A $2100 job, split between the four units. No big deal.

Now there's a well dug in our basement floor. And the handy guy tells us that our sewage pipe is old and cracked. Okay fine, so another $2200 split 4 ways to put a liner inside that.

Now he has just informed us that there is a sinkhole underneath the tree in front of our building. And basically, our sewage has been draining into an underground cavern for god knows how long. Which would explain why our basement smells like shit every time it rains.

So, we wait to hear what the city will pay for. Living in the most corrupt city on the eastern seaboard is perhaps going to cause us some grief in the very near future.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Four calling birds!

At the bar where we ate dinner -- and had several beers -- we sang 12 Days of Christmas in a round with the few other patrons and the band waiting to go on at 9. Twice. The second time was better. And the whole thing was actually quite heart-warming.

What's not to love?

I don't understand why there is never a single white person (besides me) when I go to Golden Krust. Sure it's a little over-priced for Caribbean food, but it's a far cry from fast food. And really, I'd say the lunch price norm is probably $6 now. The only drawback to my delicious jerk chicken over "rice & peas" (looked like black beans to me) was the jerk flavored reflux all afternoon.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


Yeah, yeah, I know. I never finished telling about India. I never even finished filling in all the days in my travel journal. And now the longer I wait the fewer details I remember.

At the very least, here are all my photos of India. And here are Jeff's.

Oh, okay NOW it makes sense.

I found out today what the rule is about packages leaving my office building.

We cannot walk out with a box ready to be shipped unless we get a form from our receptionist that basically says it's okay to walk out with a box. The receptionist does not need to know what's in our boxes, nor does he look at the contents.

The rules are more stringent after 6pm.

We can walk out with bags and suitcases, but no boxes. We can put boxes into bags and that will probably be okay. If it's a Macy's bag, they won't bat an eye.

I swear to god, this is what I was told.

So, basically, if I wanted to steal my computer, I need to do it in the middle of the day and put it into a duffel bag. Or, put it in a box and have the handy-dandy form.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

My company has some nerve

OMG. I was just leaving my bldg with a package to mail to my 97-year-old grandma and was told I needed a pass. Burst into spontaneous tears. No dice. Was told I needed a pass. Not that I was even playing the tears card. I was just thrown for a total loop after trying to rush to the P.O. in time for the last mail out. (Didn't make it.).

Went back up and came down again after fruitlessly trying to find a security person to issue a pass (of course no one was there at 6:30). This time security wasn't looking and I made it out.

"This is your company's rule!" the guard yelled back at me when I had expressed shock. Oh yeah? Well my company should issue a fucking memo about that because that is ridiculous, changing the rules like that and not alerting anyone. I am steaming mad and I am most definitely going to complain.

Monday, December 17, 2007

#37 Ben

You asked me not to blow bubbles, which I resented. When I was out for two weeks, another coworker said you missed me. I've decided I don't mind sitting next to you.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I'm in the wrong business

Me: pretzel, please
Pretzel seller: 3 dollar
Me: 3 dollars! Oh come on. I'm a New Yorker.
Him: Okay, 2 dollar.
Me: Okay. Thank you. Do people really pay 3 dollars for pretzels these days?
Him: Vell, yes.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

#36 Ben

You were always old to me. Your armchair smelled like pee. You disliked our dogs, but you collected dog figurines made of china. You were my great uncle. I didn't love you.

Monday, December 10, 2007

End of fashion sense

I saw a woman wearing a shiny, black satin jacket with words written across the back in rhinestones. They spelled out "Apple Bottom" above a curvaceous apple (viewed from the side), the top of which did have a rather bottom-esque shape to it. The top also had a stem sticking out of it with several leaves, looking more like a splort than leaves.

#35 Ben

You were my first boyfriend. We met at camp and we saw each other a few times a year. You have a baby. You take us to dinner when you're in town.

Friday, December 7, 2007

#34 Barb

You tried out many faiths -- Protestant, wiccan, Moonies, etc. And then you wound up a UU, where you stuck around. You are a very outspoken Canadian luddite and perhaps a stereotypical librarian.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

#33 Babs

You were my mom's boss at the lingerie store, then became a realtor. You had a show cat and poodle. I was too young to understand why I couldn't play with them.

Done and done

Only a few more hours in India. Everything we do here tires us out in record time. Every hour or so today we had to stop to sit and have a snack. This proved slightly problematic since we were so done with Indian food. We finally tried fresh lime sodas today after we found out they have no ice. Turns out they are delicious. I am sad that I did not drink more of them.

I know I keep saying this over and over, but nothing really does prepare you for India. Even reading all about Jen's experience here this fall did not convince me just how much of a trial it is to be here.

Partly, I know that we should have spent less time in Mumbai, but because of the dates of the conference, we could not go anywhere very far or for very long. Staying mainly in Mumbai meant that we did not see a whole lot of beauty. We saw a lot of interesting things, but I would not describe them as beautiful. I realized that I need to experience a little more beauty on my vacations.

I would also prefer to be in a place where we can stroll around and find places to eat. It is infuriating to rely on a guidebook to tell us where any restaurants are and then for none of the cab drivers to understand where we were asking them to go. I'd say we had about 50/50 luck with cabbies not shaking their heads and saying no, they would not take us. Even the cool cab drivers did not know where most things in the book are located. And they would get exasperated at me for insisting on trying to find those places instead of just taking me to a rug store.

We do not regret coming to India at all, but we are so ready to go home.

#32 Audrey

My mom was your best friend. You married a jerk, had kids. He soon left. Then you married a man who made a ton of money and now you have multiple houses.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Y'all have put me under. I'm outta here!

This is not like us. We are ready to come home. We are not travel sissies. I can't believe that India won. We honestly had no IDEA how hard India is. I thought Morocco would have prepared me. It did not. Not at all. It's not the poverty. That, for whatever reason, I can handle. It's just how difficult everything is. You can't take a leisurely stroll ANYWHERE as far as I can tell. There are either no sidewalks or the sidewalk is built over a drainage ditch and is falling apart. Or, the area for strolling is right next to a foul-smelling body of water.

The interesting areas are the ones where we are unwilling to eat or drink or sit or pee or anything, really. The more sterile areas are crawling with tourists and those are the areas that are over-fun with street urchins trying to sell us their dirty drums or men trying to sell us gigantic balloons. I can only handle either area for so long.

India tests how much we are willing to rough it. Are we okay with the non-air-conditioned taxis with the dirty, dirty seats and the drivers who don't speak a word of English? Or would we prefer air-con luxury? Of course we would prefer the latter, but no a/c is okay for short distances.

We are now staying for our last 2 nights at a budget hotel near the Victoria terminus. The cool cabs do not line up outside waiting for the doorman to wave one over. We had it way too easy at the Grand Hyatt. It's not like we ever stay in places like that (except when Jeff's sent somewhere for work). But I have to admit that we got quite comfortable there. Although we really could have been in any country in the world.

The title of this post is from a news item from a month ago about a guy who I believe killed himself publicly and said this right before doing so. Jeff found this very funny and has been saying it over and over, especially these past few days. You have to know Jeff to understand why he finds it funny and why he says it ad nauseum.

Friday, November 30, 2007

#31 Ashley

I learned a whole new vocabulary from you. My mom kicked you out of carpool for your foul mouth. You called me hairy mama and much worse. Now you attend church weekly.

#30 Ashley

I had an inappropriate crush on you when I was a kid. I loved your long red hair and your gentle manner. You went to Telluride one summer and never came back.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Better driven than lost

Today is about a billion times better than yesterday.

I hired a driver for the whole afternoon. I would say it's nice being driven around instead of being frantic and lost, but everywhere we go requires him to ask at least 6 people where it is. These are the major sites listed in my guidebook. Maybe he doesn't recognize their names in English.

He asks me to go over the list with him every 15 mins or so. Each site is next to a bullet and below that is its address, just in case he needed it. He points to the address and asks what it is over and over and over. Maybe he doesn't know the word address.

And then there are the constant suggestions that he take me to an Indian mall to look at rugs. I say no and he says, "but this is India, madam! You must buy rugs!" NO I say. "Okay thank you madam... Just look at rugs maybe..."

I fully expected to spend much of the day in the car. And really it's not so bad because I see a lot from the car and it's not quite as hot in the cool cab as it is outside. Somehow my driver has managed to find the places on my list, including one of the places I had on the list as a lunch option. It was recommended in Lonely Planet and it's part of a hotel, I think, so I feel safe trying Indian again.

I invited my driver to dine with me, but he stayed outside to watch the car. Good karma in asking, though, I think.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Do over

As I mentioned before, we did not plan this trip very well. People kept mentioning Juhu Beach, so after breakfast today I got a nice cool cab to take me there. He offered to drive me all afternoon for not even 3x the price of the ride to the beach. I started to agree, but then said no because I had no idea how long I'd want to stay.

As we drove up to the beach I had a suspicion that there was nothing really there. The driver paused a moment after I got out and then he left me.

Some kids surrounded me as I tried to stroll on the beach and although I have handled this okay in the past I absolutely could not deal today. One brushed my arm and I jerked away. They laughed at me. They giggled more when I spun around and sped back toward the road.

I was stuck.

I had no choice but to take a non-air-conditioned cab. This may seem like no big deal until you've sat in traffic with the honking, oh my god the honking. I asked the driver to take me to a museum. A half hour later I asked how much farther. He said about an hour. Oh no, I said. Grand Hyatt Mumbai, please.

I came back to the room, hot and sweaty, and it was being cleaned. I hit my head on a shelf and burst into tears when I got into the elevator. I think I may have failed Mumbai 101.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Not worth the chicken

Kerala was a bit too touristy for our taste. The Western women were wearing tight tanktops and mini skirts and some of the men wore wife beaters and shorts. The local men wear long wrap-around skirts that they fold up to make half as long and they tuck the ends in at their waists. This to my Western eyes looked a lot like a diaper, but still, men in shorts and tanktops -- not appropriate. We took a boat ride to Ft. Cochin, but there was no fort. Just a lot of tourists milling about and locals trying to get us to buy stuff.

We were tempted to buy a fresh fish to have cooked at a local restaurant, but we suspected that might be dangerous to our health. I'm sick of drinking luke warm drinks with no ice and having to be a snob about the bottled water. Even my Indian coworker had said to only drink the Aquafina. Certainly not the McWilliams with the shrink wrapped seal around the cap and the water filled right to the brim. "You forgot your water!" the waiter called after me. "That's okay, I don't want it" I had to say. What a prissy American.

It is a seaside town, though, and we began to feel some guilt for not having any fish. At dinnertime, back at our hotel, we asked the concierge where he would recommend we eat. "Have you tried our restaurant?" he asked. Yes, we had. We did not add that it was our most disappointing meal yet. The food in the Mumbai domestic airline terminal was better. He offered to get us a taxi to a different hotel. "Where would YOU eat?" I asked. He hesitated. He did not want us to blame him if we didn't like it. "It may not be up to your standards..." he warned. Pah, we said, we were sure it would be fine. See? We are not snooty tourists. We eat where the locals eat.

We shared a veg biryani and a fish curry for all of about $2. At 3am Jeff began the dry heaves. Nearly 24 hours have gone by and he still feels like utter crap. At least we didn't drink the questionable water!

As the sun was coming up and neither of us was able to sleep, we admitted that we were playing chicken. If one of us had said the word, the other would have immediately agreed to leave. We assured ourselves that we are not bad travelers for eating in hotels when there is no middle ground.

Now we're back in Mumbai at a fancy pants hotel. We arrived at 10 pm, and since Jeff was not hungry, I ordered room service. No $2 meals here. My chicken sandwich cost $14.

I need to figure out what I'm doing in Mumbai the rest of the week, especially while Jeff is working.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Sidetrip to Kerala

We're in Kerala now, which is on the southwestern coast. Our hotel here is twice as nice as the one we stayed in in Mumbai, but the same price. It smells a bit like pee on our floor, however. I kind of liked the simplicity of the one in Mumbai, even the fact that there was no barrier between the shower and the rest of the bathroom. The food was also better there.

Today we're going to take a ferry to another island to see an old fort. I admit we didn't do much research (okay, none) about this area, so we are kind of winging it. There is also apparently a bird sanctuary, which we will try to do tomorrow.

So far, there has been toilet paper in all the bathrooms I've gone in. The domestic terminal in Mumbai had a bunch of stalls with Turkish toilets and two in the back with western toilets. The locals were all using the squat ones. I can't imagine preferring those. I also can't imagine preferring to hose off instead of using TP, but all the stalls had a hose as well. Or maybe they do both. I didn't notice if the Turkish toilet stalls had both.

I have yet to try a real Indian mango lassi. But I did have a pomegranate milk shake at breakfast today. It was really just room-temperature pink milk, but I loved the idea of it. It drives me nuts not being able to use ice.

I bought an Indian outfit, but I don't know what it's called. It's not a sari. It's this one where there is a long shirt with slits on the sides and then baggy pants and a scarf. I really only wanted the shirt. Jeff suggested saving the clown pants to wear as maternity pants. I don't know if even then I'd be able to bring myself to wear them. The outfit cost less than $20. I would probably use the scarf, too. It's light blue and brown, one of my favorite color combos.

Although I had cell reception in Mumbai, I don't have it here. Jeff does, though, and he's also on AT&T. I paid $24 to have unlimited texting and internet access, so it better work when we get back to Mumbai tomorrow night. I was even able to text with Jen (who is in Hong Kong), which I wasn't able to do when I was at home. It makes no sense to me why it would work here but not from home.

ps -- Kerala is pronounced CARE uh luh.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

No culture shock yet

We arrived in Mumbai last night. We were not at all tired, so we went to the hotel bar/restaurant where we ate the best Indian food I'd ever had: malai kofta: bigger and softer than at home & paneer tikka masala, which for now anyway is my new fave Indian dish.

Our room is by no means luxury,but there is TP. The shower is a faucet next to the toilet. We had a hotel room like that in Brussels, but much bigger.

The cars and the geese honk incessantly.

#29 Ashley

You took baths in the mornings with a Diet Coke and a cigarette by the tub. Your boyfriend was proud of the fact that he could fit into your size 4 jeans.

Friday, November 23, 2007

#28 Arthur

The whole time I knew you, you were always at your kitchen table, ready to argue politics with anyone, especially your son Greg. The emphysema eventually killed you, but it took years.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

#27 Anthony

I didn't realize you might be annoying until another Brit mentioned it. Sure you talk about your son non-stop, but I find it endearing. Plus, we talk about other things.

#26 Anna

We called your class science for jocks, but we were mostly nerds. Your passion for studying nature was catching. Of course, I can barely identify any Northern VA birds or trees now.

#25 Adrienne

I forgot another Adrienne.

You wore short leather skirts and high-heeled boots in a tweedy/flannely college town. You graded harshly but you had my respect. I may have had a little crush on you, too.

Monday, November 19, 2007

#24 Ann

You were the mother of my first best friend. I don't suppose you and my mom had a ton in common, but you wound up spending a lot of time together anyway.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

#23 Angela

You loved the Yankees, as evidenced by the bumper stickers on your apartment door. I gave your cat a fuzzy ball on a string, but you said that toy was too dangerous.

Saturday, November 17, 2007


Convo overheard on Amtrak:

ticket collector: This one lady said to me, 'No way am I showing you my ID!' I said, 'Lady, this is the rule now.' But she wouldn't do it. So I told her I was calling the police. When security arrived they said to drop it. What's the point of having the rule then?

black female passenger: Was she white?

ticket collector: Of course. And I was the big, mean black dude. What you gonna do?

#22 Andy

I suspect you might talk behind everyone's backs. I used to bejealous of you, but I got over it. Now I'm just jealous that you live in such a nice town.

Friday, November 16, 2007

#21 Andy

My roomie's friend from college, you weren't that attractive but I pined after you. Once, you crashed in my bed after hanging out with my roommate. We never spoke of that again.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

He knows everything, that's who

Conversation in the Charlotte airport between a man and his son, approx. age 6:

son: How many people are in the world? Mom says a million something. I think it's a hundred million.

Dad: I don't think it's quite that many.... Want to find out?

son: Sure! How?

Dad (getting out his phone): Google!

Son: Who's Google?

Dad: Google knows all the stuff that mom and I don't know.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

#20 Andrew

You resembled Captain Morgan. You wore short brown boots every day for years. You fancied yourself a womanizer, but it's a mystery why women adored you since I doubt you bathed daily.

Two quick things

1. I raised the height of my desk chair so that there is no room underneath my desk to cross my legs. This means that unless I'm wearing heels of at least 2" I have to put my feet on an empty cookie tin. For the most part, I don't mind the new set-up, but sometimes I really, really want to cross my legs. I know it's for the best, though, because I was getting pains in the back of knees.

2. I'm being taken on a secret field trip at lunch. At first I thought it would be something girlie like getting nails done but then I found out it is with 2 men as well as my female friend who invited me.

The fact that this space is not my "official" online journal makes it much easier to write.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

And then it hits

I absolutely don't care that Jeff is away on our third anniversary, but I do kind of wish he were here right now so that I would not have to feel sorry for myself all alone.

I worked until 10 on something that I didn't do correctly the first time and probably have to re-do again tomorrow. It's that mind-reading thing. I still don't have it down yet. Would make my job so much easier if I did, though.

I had 6 edamame flavored shumai for dinner and now I'm onto my cheese course. There may be a chips course after this one. I'm also drinking a River Horse Belgian Freeze. I really like this beer. Thankfully there is a 6-pack of it in my fridge, so I can drink it all week.

My dad's dad died today. He was 97 and he had had several strokes, so it was only a matter of time. When my mom called I didn't even get choked up, not like when she called me over the summer to tell me that Grandma didn't want us to visit her after all because she wasn't feeling up to it. I don't know why I took it so well.

There are so many stories I could tell about him, I wouldn't know where to begin. He was the last of the great story-tellers. I could never do his stories justice anyway. But remembering him telling stories the way he used to is what I will focus on, not the frail old man barking orders and forgetting who we were.

I cried a little when I got home, but I'm not sure if I was crying for me or for him or just out of exhaustion.

I think I need a second beer.

#19 Amy

As a toddler you insisted on standing on the front seat. You flew through the windshield when your mom slammed on the brakes. I guess you were okay; there weren't any scars.

Monday, November 12, 2007

#18 Amy

You made clothes from ESPRIT and a father in California seem enviable. I slipped on your freshly mopped kitchen floor and consequently I will forever associate the smell of bleach with you.

All full

I'm still figuring out how to get everything switched over to my new host. It doesn't help that Cyberpixels is totally unresponsive. I made the massively stupid mistake of not backing up before making the switch. My new host is saying, "It's easy! Just get your old host to switch your domain over." Um yeah, you don't know my old host. So, in the meantime, I still have this space, which all of like 3 people read. But oh well.

We made some headway on the apartment this weekend. I emptied 2 boxes of books because we realized that not finishing unpacking before the holidays due to some theoretical plans to paint was unreasonble. But there are still a good many more books. And that was after listing a bunch of them on Bookmooch and putting a good many into bags for Goodwill also.

It is so outrageous at this point that we aren't completely unpacked. It's embarressing, actually. But we have reached a point where there are no more obvious places for things to go. In the old place, my desk was in the middle room and next to it was a table, so piled on the table was all the extra stuff that didn't fit in my desk. Not the ideal situation, for sure, but with no table next to my desk, where does all that stuff now go?? And no, getting rid of it is not an option. And putting it downstairs in storage is pointless. Why store desk supplies in the basement? That stuff needs to be accessable. I think I do need to be more ruthless about what can be stored downstairs, however.

My old bedside table is next to my desk and it is still filled with the same junk that is has been filled with since I got it in 1999. It's the general repository for small things. But it has three drawers and perhaps some of that stuff can be consolidated and some desk stuff can go in it. I must be ruthless!

On Saturday we went to New Hope, PA, and Lambertville, NJ, for an early anniversary trip. They are both cute little towns, separated only by the Delaware River. We parked on the Lambertville side, walked around there for a little while, and then walked across the bridge to New Hope, walked around there a little while and then ate dinner. A coworker had said that Lambertville is better, but I didn't believe him. I had to eat crow this morning and admit that he was right. New Hope is mostly kitschy shops, while Lambertville is still an artsy town. Short trips like that are great because they are so inexpensive and there is very little travel time involved and certainly no cancelled flights. And we can bring liquids back with us! I decree that there will be more local trips in the future.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

#17 Amy

Your Midwestern roots were always hiding behind your attempts to look like a New Yorker, with your tight jackets and stiletto boots. I think it was your nose that gave you away.


I should have made a note about this on my main site before making the switch, but I am in the process of switching hosts, so now I cannot access Movable Type to update my site. For what it's worth, don't ever, ever use Cyberpixels to host your site. They are run out of someone's garage, I think.

The other day I got an email from their 3rd party biller telling me that billing for my site hosting had been terminated. I called the 3rd party and they said they didn't know why this was. So, I attempted to contact Cyberpixels. Haha. They really don't want to talk to anyone.

It was 4:30 pm on Friday. I call their hotline and get what sounded like an actual answering machine that lead me through a series of prompts that ended in a voice saying, "Thank you for calling!" and then I was disconected. I called again and got a voice mail box. The message said, "I am away for the weekend." And then there was a beep and then another message that said the mailbox was full. Nice.

I then tried accessing the online help. Their skimpy billing "knowledgebase" as they call it has 3 links. These link to videos, the site says. But who knows what they are because the links don't work. So, I wrote an email to a billing email, once I finally found it. No word yet. Typically, I have found, Cyberpixels tends to write back, if they do at all, about a week later, no matter the severity of the problem.

So, I am taking my business elsewhere. They could at least have someone in India on call all the time to field calls and emails. Even an auto-response would be something to grasp at.

The kicker is that the host that my friend Kevin suggested I switch to, AN Hosting, is a dollar per month cheaper.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

#16 Alexis

I remembered who Alexa is. She's actually Alexis and I forgot who she was because I only met her once.

You are the hot wife of a formerly dorky high school friend. You didn't seem the typical stay-at-home mom, with your plunging neckline and sandals that lace up the calf.

Friday, November 9, 2007

#15 Amber

You seemed so much more worldly than I was, with your full year of post-college experience. You told stories about waking up with no panties, realizing you'd had sex the night before.

#14 Amanda

What is it about you that attracts men who seem great but really aren't? It was probably a bad sign for your second marriage that your husband slept in your son's room.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

#13 Allie

You grew up Bay Ridge, sharing with your mom a one-bedroom apartment smaller than the one I lived in alone. You were unknowingly beautiful and the best catsitter I ever had.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

#12 Alex

You wrote us a letter, your mom told me. I wonder what you wanted us to know. Are you still kicking your little sister? Someday, I predict, you will protect her instead.

Monday, November 5, 2007

#11 Allegra

You boldly wore no bra. An artist, you altered your own clothes to be uniquely yours. When your boyfriend proposed with an heirloom necklace instead of a diamond, you turned him down.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

#10 Alena

I can never remember if you're a geek or not. You introduced me to intelligent pet birds and the word "ginger" for redheads. You completely understand spending one's discretionary income on travel.

Saturday, November 3, 2007


So, at 2:40 pm I looked at the invite for this wedding and discovered that it starts at 4 not 6. I have never gotten ready for a formal event so fast before. I don't even look half bad either.

#9 Alan

You were online at the ends of my work days, late at night for you in Scotland. You gave me a fake mailing address for a book I wanted you to have.

Friday, November 2, 2007


The person on my 365 list for Tuesday is Alexa. I can't remember who this is. If you know who I was thinking of, please remind me before Tuesday.

#8 Alan

Do you remember when I stole your car keys as a prank? You were not amused. Now you have a beautiful wife and you still look like you did in high school.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

#7 Adrienne

I think maybe in grade school we were enemies, but I have no recollection why. I ran into you at a bus stop years later and all the old animosity was forgotten.


An old dude, who looked pretty deteriorated himself, shared a cab with us. As we neared our apt. he said, "it's amazing how deteriorated it is in this area." Jackass.

Two women waiting in line for a taxi together --
Girl wearing blanket costume with most of her breasts showing: Ugh!
Other girl: Was that Jose on the phone?
Blanket: It's Julio!! Geez!
Other girl: Sorry! I'm not doing it on purpose!
Blanket: I know, but it hurts my feelings.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

#6 Adrienne

You were my boyfriend's roommate. Once, you dressed up me and his sister and you put lots of makeup on us. In the photos from that night we all look so giddy.

Stick figures

I shared a taxi home last night with two incredibly skinny girls. The one in the incredibly short skirt said to her friend, "I hate it when it gets this cold... because my legs get so cold." It was about 60 degrees.

#5 Adele

You got a stick shift car for your 16th birthday and taught yourself how to drive it. I guess you had more guts than I realized. Your aunt was my ballet teacher.

Monday, October 29, 2007

#4 Adam

I recommended you for a job with me even though you drove me crazy. We called you PB because you stuck to us like peanut butter. You got fired from that job.

#3 Adam

So, yes, already on day 3 I failed. But see! This is what happened. I got stuck in the airport for 8 hours on Friday and so in my boredom I used down more than half the battery on Rover. And by Sunday morning I only had 20% battery left and it was in the red. So, I did not want to load up the list of 365 lest it die because I had not synced to my computer in a long while and I would lose a good chunk of my 365 list if the battery died. And then, yeah, I totally forgot to do the entry when I got home last night. Oops.

Our moms met in the hospital when we were born. That might have been all we had in common. You came to my college a year after me and you hated it.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

#2 Abe

We went to college together ten years ago. I ran into you at a party thrown by a mutual friend and you had no idea who I was. That wasn't very nice.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Bad birthday juju

1. Broke a candle this morning.
2. Our flight to Maine got cancelled. (We're waiting in an airport bar to see if we get on the 9:30 -- now 10:30 -- one.)
3. Spilled half my beer.

#1 Aaron Love

I include your last name because I did love you. I put my sleeping bag beside yours in hopes that you would notice me. You didn't, you rebellious, smelly, foul-mouthed pothead.

Friday, October 19, 2007

365 x 32

Watch this space starting on Oct. 26 . Every day for a year I will write 32 words a day about a different person I have known. I'm using Sheesh Mobile so that I won't need to be by a computer to add entries. The only glitch will be when I'm out of the country.


I saw a woman on 7th Ave. wearing a pink velour bodysuit with leopard-print high heels. Come ON. How ridiculous is that? I mean, pink velour and leopard print do not go together at all.

Sunday, October 14, 2007


We're sitting at BJ's brewpub in Boulder overlooking a pedestrian mall. So far I have seen two women with denim skirts, tights, and bike messenger bags the same color as their rain parkas (bright pink and bright green). There is also a homeless-looking man wearing a tri-corner hat.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Both are called geeks

There's a very fine line between con* attendees and beer festival attendees. Both involve costumes although the beer ones are less involved.

*Comic slash fantasy slash sci-fi slash horror

Note: We haven't even been inside the festival yet. These are just observations of the general vicinity.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007


The shroud is off of one of my favorite NYC buildings. (It is the main post office, in case you didn't know.) The line for human help inside may always be insanely long, but I still love its squat looks.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


Walking shorts and boots has got to be even more ridiculous than shorts and high heels. Well maybe equally.

Thursday, September 20, 2007


Considering that I already feel guilt for eating animals, I'd really rather not have my snack smile back at me.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Fashion Week

A very skinny woman can perhaps get away with prancing across 6th Ave. with just a tunic on. But for most women, some pants or even a skirt under there would probably be preferable. Unless you like to show your ass when a breeze blows.

Sunday, September 2, 2007


We went to a NJ wine tasting with Jeff's parents at a state park near their house. Since we're not wine people we don't much know what we like. But I really liked one of the blends from Amalthea Cellars. It's 75% cab sauv, 20% merlot and 5% cab franc. Perfect combo for me.

Thursday, August 30, 2007


I saw a girl wearing a t-shirt with some baubles attached to it. One of the baubles dangled directly over the center of her breast. Wouldn't that, er, be a bit too ... titillating for the wearer?

Sunday, August 26, 2007


I'm sitting outside the laundromat, waiting for my first load to finish. We have a washer & dryer in the basement but they got destroyed in the great flood of '07 and my dad advises against trying to hook them back up. The woman acting as condo prez (who also owns 2 units) basically told me to get them fixed because I live on site. I'm going to put a sign on them saying BROKEN so that prospective buyers see it. Maybe then she'll be more helpful.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007


A minute later I realized who the guy was who waited next to me until the light turned green. He is (or at least was) a good friend of my old friend Emmy. I rushed past him, in a hurry for no reason, and so he was gone before recognition hit.

Is he still friends with her? Why wouldn't he be? I'm probably the only one to have cut her off. I can hardly even remember why now, but I think I remember her cutting me off, too. Plus, I have my pride.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Gingery Canton

Jeff invited me out on a press dinner for a ginger cognac. God DAMN that stuff is good. They probably thought I was just trying to be nice (although not really b/c I said in front of the famous mixologist that I preferred it straight up) but really it's great on its own. Yum.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Scotch or masking?

How do you wear a yarmulke if you're completely bald? Is there a special adhesive?

Monday, August 13, 2007


We've lived here a month and this is the first night we've sat outside. We got the grill set up (after an hour of piecing together pictorials and having an extra piece at the end). Jeff insisted on self-lighting briquets so we would have that charcoal smell we smelled for years before we had a yard. But damn did they make the dogs taste disgusting. The NJ corn however is so good even lighter fluid can't mask its flavor. I ate mine plain. Best part of the meal -- aside from the NJ maters.

Still can't sleep

It's now 2 and yes I sent the last msg prematurely. My eyelids itch and I have a rattle in my throat. And I am not in the least bit tired. Jeff's snoring makes me happy because it means he's not tossing and turning, too. I knew we were doomed after getting so much sleep this weekend. I didn't get up until 11:30 his morning.

Can't sleep

I'm lying in bed at a quarter til 2

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Uh, no

I still love this hotel, but I just heard a concierge tell a British woman that Earl Grey is in fact a plain, black tea. She was displeased.

Granted, she was choosing from the complimentary tea and coffee bar. Their decaf selections were only choco-mint and fruity, so there is another potential complaint.

I happen to be going through an Earl Grey phase, so I'm perfectly happy.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Cheap and delicious

If you're going to do a beer tour of Portland, definitely plan to be there during the early part of the week. Everywhere we go it's either Miserly Monday or Cheap Ass Tuesday and the pints are only $2 or so.

It may not be Cheap Ass, but something akin to that. Lucky Lab does half price Mondays AND Tuesdays, by the way.


I saw a woman with a tramp stamp so low that it entered her crack. Will crack cleavage and decorating it be the new thing? Please, I hope not.


This hotel gets high points from me because:

-there are Aveda products in the bathroom
-there are 2 animal print robes in the closet
-free wine tasting every day between 5 and 6
-under $200 a night

Also, I have fresh blueberries, but they're not from the hotel. We got them from a roadside stand near Hood River along with huckleberry milkshakes.

Many of the bars here offer small glasses of beer for around $2, which is excellent for those who are trying to visit 4 bars in one afternoon and try as many different beers as possible.

Monday, August 6, 2007


Today so far we went to Bridgeport Brewing for lunch, Laurelwood Public House for happy hour, and New Old Lompoc for happy hour round 2. I think we may try to hit one more before dinner.

Women in Portland fairly ubiquitously wear comfy shoes (that's a point in my book). And then they wear nice shirts out at night...with jeans. I could get behind that style.


At McMennamins Ringlers we saw an ad for dark wave dancing on Sunday nights at nine. Although we were dragging after dinner we convinced ourselves we had to go because how often do we get to dance to goth music anymore?

We showed up at 9:15 and were told no one was upstairs and that people usually just trickle in and they are probably going to stop doing it soon.

This not only makes me sad, but also makes me feel old because 15 years ago there would have been a line around the block to get in. And most people have moved on in their musical tastes, but Jeff and I will always have a space in our hearts reserved for new wave.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Permanent vacation

The Rogue brewpub has numerous signs saying they're an anti-cell phone establishment, but the smoking is rampant. I think I'd take cell phone use over smoke.

We struck up a conversation with a guy who had moved from NYC last year. He came to Portland on vacation and never went back. I can see how that would happen.

Saturday, August 4, 2007


There's only a little over an hour before the wedding and we haven't showered yet, but damn if we aren't going to the Full Sail brewery for a tasting first. Now begins the game of How Quickly Will We Be Able To Get Ready?

I really like the Amber and the Brewmaster Reserve.

Friday, August 3, 2007


Arrived in Portland (Oregon, not Maine, although that's another great beer town) this morning. We happened upon Powell's, which might be one of the most impressive bookstores I've ever seen. I'm just glad my suitcase was not already filled to capacity.

We lunched at Jake's, which, okay, yes, is a chain. But it wasn't always a chain. And it was damn good. I think we may have oysters for an app with every meal here.

Now we're in Hood River for my cousin's wedding.

Thursday, August 2, 2007


An Asian man sitting on the train put on his distance glasses to get a look at an Asian woman who had just gotten on. After he had squinted at her a moment, he offered her his seat. She turned him down.

I marvel sometimes how I graduated college

I did something so incredibly dumb last night that I was too embarrassed to tell Jeff after it happened.

"I busted the washing machine. Can you come help me fix it?" I said.

He was lying on the futon mattress, which is on the floor of what will someday be our living room, once it's no longer a warehouse. He came home from a business trip feeling like utter crap.

I had sort of hoped he would just say okay and not ask how. But no such luck.

"Dunno. It just, um, broke." Yeah, right.

So, I had to admit that since the stupid washer takes 7 quarters and I had only taken down 6, I had the bright idea to stick this round disk sitting there in the 7th slot. In my idiot brain, that disk was a special disk that was for using in the laundry machine. I know! I really did graduate from college!

I'm only admitting this here because hardly anyone reads this.

Also, Jeff did manage to rattle the machine hard enough to get it unjammed. So, he is officially my hero. (Not that he wasn't before.)

Just to be on the safe side, Jeff threw the disk behind the machine.