Howl

The good news is that Booie's cancer appears, based on the tests the vet ran, to not have spread. The bad news is that regardless the surgery will cost 2 grand.

I called a vet in Bayonne who said they would charge around $800 and a vet in Hoboken who said they would charge around a thousand. But those are really just estimates, since they haven't seen Booie or the tests.

The vet we have seems really competent and caring and she answered all my questions last night at 6:30 pm. Yet at the same time, I felt as if she were giving a sales pitch. She explained that a team of 3 will work on the patient and they do an EKG, etc. etc.

She also said this cancer will kill her eventually, although in rare cases they are able to cure cats of cancer, if it's caught early enough. I guess she wants to prepare me for the worst so that she is not blamed when Booie dies anyway before too long.

And then she mentioned off handedly that the patient will need to be prevented from jumping on anything for 2 weeks. So, that is what I laid in bed until after 2am last night worrying about. Maybe we take apart our bed and put the mattress on the floor and keep her in the bedroom! And build a ramp up to the radiatior! So that she can look outside! Yes, it's brilliant!

No, no it's not. The best option is probably a large dog crate. Oh my god, the howling is going to be horrible. And then can we take her out for supervised rambles around the apartment? Or will she hide under the bed that we unwisely did not take apart?

There are no other rooms in our aparment that can be closed off besides the bedroom and the bathroom and the bathroom has 2 built in things to jump onto/into, so that's a no go.

Now maybe I figure out a way to put the crate on top of a table that is positioned in front of a window so that she can at least look outside. Maybe that will keep the howling down a little bit.

Freshly chopped tomato and a little lemon

I'm on the Caltrain on my way back to San Francisco from San Jose, where I spent a lovely afternoon with Catie. It's a double-decker train. If I lived where there were double-decker trains, I don't think I'd ever take them for granted.

I have a new book to start (Niccolo Rising). At the beginning are several pages of characters and looking at that made starting the novel seem way too daunting right now. I feel headachy, which I think is due to treating a mild hangover with caffeine instead of water because I woke up feeling fine.

Sometimes the jostling of a train can cause my iPod volume to turn all the way up. Dave Brubeck at higest volume definitely did not help the situation.

This morning on my way to San Jose I was marveling at how I'm now friends with this wonderful person (Catie) who I haven't known well for all that long (maybe 2 years). We've known each other peripherally for at least 7 years.

It is certainly not strange to become better friends with someone, except that for 5 of those years neither of us gave the other much thought (there may even have been some slight dislike by both parties). And then circumstances changed and now I consider her a close friend. At this point, I can't imagine not having Catie in my life.

I marvel at the reverse, too. How quickly circumstances can change and bad blood can congeal. It makes me feel weary to contemplate.

I'm just thankful that my relationship with Jeff is excluded from these trials. Any ebbing and waning I'm going through is that much easier to weather with him around.

I just can't believe I gave up an opportunity to go with him to Iceland is all.

Fabulous food, fabulous friends

Catie and Andy took us to such a wonderful restaurant last night. Jeff and I keep saying things like, "remember how great that food was?" and "why can't we have places like Bar Crudo at home?"

It was raw fish but not Japanese. Most everything comes on small plates, perfect for sharing with fellow fish lovers. My fave was the lobster and heirloom salad. And the extra amazing thing was that they have an extensive beer list.

The waitress was extra attentive and patient and adorable to boot. She saw me taking a photo on our way out and asked, "are you Yelping me?" Catie had mentioned that Yelp is big out here. Otherwise I would not have had any idea what she was talking about.

I told her the photos were just for me, but if I do Yelp the restaurant (I guess that's the right terminology), I'll give it a great review because it was a wonderful experience and she was great, too.

Booie update

There's not much to update. On Wednesday, the vet called and gave me the report on Booie's pathology. She said it is not certain but probable that she has mammary cancer. She said it's definitely fatal and she has three to six months if we do nothing.

If it's not certain, how is it definite?

The next step was to get bloodwork and x-rays. After that glowing fatality report, I couldn't do any more work anyway, so I went home, collected Booie, and took her back to the vet.

While we waited in the exam room for the vet, Booie stopped howling if I petted her constantly. The vet and the tech took her away from me for the bloodwork and x-rays. She was howling. The receptionist suggested I take a walk for 20 minutes. This was a good idea. No way I could have sat there for 20 minutes listening to her howl.

The vet showed me the x-rays when I got back. She pointed out that she could not see any white dots, which usually indicate cancer. The x-rays would still be sent off to the radiologist for more exact results.

Yesterday I spoke to the vet about the bloodwork results. She said her bloodwork "looks good" although I'm not sure what that means. Does she not actually have cancer? Or for a dying cancer patient, her bloodwork isn't that bad? The bloodwork indicated possible lymph node cancer, the vet said.

Next steps: The vet gets a FLIV test added on to the tests that were already done. Why, I don't know. And I call her on Monday to find out what the radiologist had to say.

Booie seems absolutely fine. It doesn't seem to hurt her when I touch the lump. But she's not wild about having her belly touched in the first place, so I can't tell if she's moving away when I touch it because it's uncomfortable or because she's just ornery.

Fatty lump

I am a bad cat owner. I noticed a lump under Booie's armpit maybe two months ago. There were Saturdays when we could have gone to the vet, but we would forget and go do other things. Then I realized it had grown a bit. And so this morning, first thing, we took her to the vet.

"Oh, that's not good," the vet said, as soon as she felt the lump. Probably mammary cancer, she said. But maybe a benign cyst, she added, probably because tears sprung to my eyes and I said pitifully, "Ohhhh Booie..."

The vet then whisked Booie off to a back room to biopsy the lump. We find out on Wednesday or Thursday what plagues her.

The vet also said Booie's fur looks slightly matted. I know already that letting up on the grooming is a bad sign, but I do not believe she has let up on the grooming. She said because she sees 2 dozen cats a day she knows cats. But she has never met Booie.

Super delicious

Do you want to know what is super delicious? I'll tell you.

It's this for lunch:

Whip up tuna salad real quick in the morning (with not too much mayo, but the real stuff, no fat free crap) with diced scallions mixed in (I would have added relish, but I couldn't find it in the fridge).

Boil a cup and a half (a cup seemed like too little and two cups seemed like too much) of whole wheat pasta. Drain, run cold water over. Put in Tupperware container.

Go outside into your yard and snip some parsley and some chives. Cut these into tiny bits and add to the tuna salad.

While outside, pick any ripe cherry tomatoes. Be sad that there are only four today. Examine pepper plant and be tempted to pick one. But be strong! It's turning red, but it's not there yet. Patience is a virtue.

Mix herbs into salad and then spoon salad onto pasta. Place tomatoes on top.

Bring in to the office and enjoy audibly (ie, lots of saying "mmmmm!" and "your lunch sucks compared to mine!")

The big dilemma

This is a dilemma that occupies too much of my brain, often when I'm walking by myself.

I fear that I'm going to be saying this too much nowadays, but, once again, "as Elizabeth Gilber wrote"... now that I'm in my early 30s, it seems like having a child soon is the prudent thing to do, mainly because now is the right time, biologically. I don't even know if this is the same thing as a biological clock. Isn't the biological clock the irrational feeling that you desperately want a baby, no matter if your life is ready?

I know, I know. My life is as ready as it absolutely needs to be. I'm happily married. We are both employed, etc. etc.

But we are so not ready!!! Maybe a few more, just to get the point across:!!!!!

But then I second guess myself and I think, well, maybe I think I'm not ready, but really that's just fear. But I'm not supposed to be afraid of the things I'm afraid of. Aside from the normal fear of pushing a slippery bag of cat food out my hoohoo (give or take a few pounds, hopefully take), I am seriously afraid of not getting enough sleep, having to get up really early after not having gotten enough sleep, falling asleep in my soup because of being overly tired, being way more cranky than I already am, due to extreme fatigue.

Aside from the sleep deprivation (a very real fear, I'm not making this up), there is the one about having to be on a strict schedule. Currently, I leave work when I feel like it. If I slack off a little bit during the day, I simply stay an extra hour. My job is not geared toward leaving work at 5 o'clock on the dot to rush home to pick up Junior at daycare. I've never had a job like that, actually. How does that even work? I guess one has to start the workday much earlier. And give up exercising in the morning, for sure. People with kids, it seems, go to the gym at lunch or take their kids with them to the gym, if they are so lucky as to belong to a gym with a daycare. That right there is depressing enough. I hate gyms.

And then there is this. I spend how many hours at home awake during the work week? Three per night, maybe? Assuming I did change my schedule so that I'm home at 6, then there are maybe 4 hours in the evening before I crash because presumably I'll be getting up before dawn in this wonderful babyful fantasy world.

Four hours per night is not a lot. And it's less than four hours spent with the kid, since the kid presumably will not go to bed at 10, although I guess you never know. Why do we want to throw our lives into chaos, just so that we can shuffle the kid off to daycare?

Of course I don't want to quit my job to have a kid. I haven't accomplished anything of note in my "career" yet, so why would I give it all up now? I say, oh well all I have to do is get a freelance gig going so that I can still work. Oh sure, easy enough. And people at work are always lobbying to get the one day a week where they work from home. As if that makes it all worthwhile! So one day a week the person is not giving work or the kid their full attention. Perfect situation!

Jeff and I don't want to give up traveling or eating out at nice restaurants. And I don't want to be the person who hasn't bought new shoes in years because all the money goes toward the kid.

So, does this all add up to our not really wanting kids??? Aren't we supposed to feel this incredible pang to give up everything we hold dear now so that we can instead hold dear a little mewling, puking, shitting infant?

I'm not listening

I'm finally reading Eat, Pray, Love. You know, the book that everyone was reading last year. While many people seem to have very strong opinions on it (including some who haven't read it, ahem, you know who you are), I find it incredibly heart-warming and all those naysayers can go bleat elsewhere. There is absolutely nothing to dislike about this book, except maybe that it reminds you that you are unable to take off for a year and travel around the world. Also, it reminds me of a blog. A really well-written and funny blog.

I would have read it before, but I don't like paying full-price for books. I don't like paying full-price for anything, so it's not something I have against books. Yes, yes, I want the authors to get the money they are due, just like I want the musicians to receive the money they are due. I just don't want to be the one to pay them upwards of $20 for something I will most likely read once and then pass on to someone else. And I definitely do not feel the need to be the first one in my circle of friends to read a book. In fact, I prefer for everyone else to preview it for me. And then I'll get a cast-off copy of it and read it later, after I've heard enough people say it was worthwhile.

I am pretty certain that in no other country besides the US will you see a person carrying a canvas bag that says, "This is my plastic bag," or "I'm saving the Earth" or whatever. I want to go up to those people and give them a pat on the back and a "yay for you." Wouldn't they rather carry a bag with a pretty design?

Finally, I would like to point out that K-mart has once again introduced me to a fabulous new candy product: the dark chocolate mint Three Muskateers. It is lighter than a Peppermint Patty and less like brushing your teeth followed by eating chocolate (not that that is a bad thing, in fact, I'm all for it). The mint is more of a hint. All in all, two chocolatey thumbs up.

Also, I have taken up uttering again.

Three for Saturday

I ran for 40 minutes this morning and it felt great. I didn't know if I'd make it, but I did and I didn't even feel that tired afterward. I don't remember the last time I ran for that long. Every time I start running again, I seem to level out at 30 minutes and then keep with that time until I get out of the habit of running again. Earlier in the week I went for 35 minutes and it seemed like no big deal, so I figured I would up my time again and see how it went. The only problem with running longer is that I'll have to get up earlier on the weekdays.

I'm not saying that I'm breaking any records here. My speed is only a 9.5 min. mile. It wound up being 4.2 miles.

We had cherry tomatoes from our garden with our lunch and they were so super delicious. I have been trying the Andy Anchev method of not watering the plant very much so that it produces more intensely flavorful tomatoes. It must be working because they are incredible tasting. Of course, the fact that we grew them ourselves makes them that much more delicious.

Also, the plant is about 7 feet tall. It keeps growing and growing. It is taking over the herb/veggie patch. There are some chives that I planted next to the tiny tomato plant back in May or April or whenever it was and they are completely hidden. They don't sweem to mind, however.

Peppers (sweet ones) are growing and growing, too, but they refuse to change from pale yellow. I don't know what their deal is.

We are off to Sugarloaf and to the drive-in tonight. Double feature of Step Brothers and Pineapple Express.

New drink

There is a restaurant in Jersey City that advertises $4 Margheritas during happy hour. Have they invented a new drink or are they just not good at spelling?

If they haven't invented this drink, I think someone should try it. It would be made with tomato juice and basil and the alcohol would presumably be vodka. Would little mozzarella balls be overkill?